A few months ago, I started a new experiment. I stopped wearing a bra.
It all started because I have been experiencing a dramatic
increase in anxiety symptoms since a certain catastrophic election in November.
With that anxiety came debilitating panic attacks. And over time, I started to notice that the
constriction of a bra band was often a catalyst to panic.
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| Discarded bra pile at Camp Throwback |
I’ve never liked bras.
I always took them off immediately upon arriving home, or sooner. When I couldn’t find a bra, chances are that
all of my in-heavy-rotation bras were in the center console of my minivan,
having been stripped off on my way home from somewhere. But the panic thing was new.
In the end, I decided that my mental health was more
important than my boobs being ever so slightly further away from the ground.
By any metric, I “need” a bra. I can hold a pencil under my boob. Or a broom. Or my phone. Or a full wine bottle (yes, really). I wear a
40i bra and I’m 43 years old. Those things aren’t holding themselves up. The
gravity is real.
But… do I? Need a bra? Need it for what? Some people are uncomfortable without a
bra. Their backs hurt, or the underboob
sweat bothers them, or for whatever reason they prefer to wear a bra. That’s great.
But I don’t. Despite my giant fun
bags, my back has never hurt from going braless. Underboob sweat happens. I mean, yeah.
But that’s less bothersome than the constricted feeling of wearing a
bra. I’m happier and more comfortable
without one. (Except for when I
exercise. My sports bra is a magnificent
feat of engineering. Glamorise adjustable. You’re
welcome!)
The supposed “need” is about a couple of things. Boob
altitude. Boob shape. Nipple visibility.
And the bounce.
Without a bra, my boobs are lower, further apart and more bottom-heavy,
having of nipples, and bouncy. Those things are all just true facts of my body.
It’s really not that big of a deal.
Except… in public... is it? A big
deal? Is it really a big deal if random strangers at the grocery store know
that my 43-year-old body has slightly saggy boobs with nipples on them? I mean,
most boobs have nipples on them. Most boobs on people my age are at least a bit
saggy.
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| No bra, no cleavage, no problem. |
Who cares?
We’re trained to think boobs have to look a certain
way. High up. Close together with cleavage if they’re
large. Relatively immobile. That’s not
how boobs are though. Not aging boobs
anyway. Part of this is the cult of
youth. Part of it is the prevalence of
cosmetically altered boobs. Part of it
is just plain misogyny.
My sister has compared the requirement of a bra to the
previous requirement that women wear corsets.
A certain body shape was just expected, and to refuse to conform to that
shape was seen as either slovenly or promiscuous.
While we no longer wear corsets (except for fun!!), we still
expect breasts to be forced into a certain shape in order to be seen as
properly dressed and acceptable.
So I’m experimenting with not doing that.
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| Not a bra in sight. |
It’s easy for me, because I’m a stay-at-home mom, so I don’t have a job to jeopardize. But isn’t it ludicrous that it might actually jeopardize a job if I didn’t wear a certain undergarment to force my body into a specific shape? I mean, what? What century are we in?
I’ve also been experimenting with less constricting bikini
tops. I bought two more “string bikini”
type tops this year that allow my shape to be more naturally conveyed. One has slightly more support than the other.
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| My weird body |
The one with more support has gotten a lot more love, even
in body positive communities. I’m told
it’s more “flattering,” which is code for it makes my body look closer to some
imaginary young, thin ideal. The “less
flattering” top makes my body look more like what my body actually looks like. Just me, covered in fabric. I have been told that that top looks “weird.”
Well, maybe I do look weird.
Women wear bras. Especially large
breasted women. So yes, my natural body
shape is not what we’re used to seeing.
It actually is weird, as in unusual to see. But it’s my natural body shape. And I suspect it’s not that different from
what plenty of women see when they take off their bras at the end of the
day.
So I’m going to just keep going about in the world with my
natural body shape until it seems less weird.
I’m happy. I’m comfortable. My mental health is improved. And my boobs are a little bit bouncy and
closer to the ground. I’m good with it.
