The 12 hours after Christmas

After a five-day visit, my family has scattered back to their own homes.  It is a joy and a luxury to spend so much time with my family of origin.  For a few days, my normally quiet, relatively tidy house is transformed into a truly Saturnalian chaos-land, where young cousins laugh and run, sprinkling tortilla chip crumbs behind them, adult siblings day drink Bloody Caesars and keep the party going late into the night with our three games of choice (Texas Hold Em, Cards Against Humanity, and Wise and Otherwise), and my parents hang with their adult kids, laughing over wildly inappropriate things that parents probably shouldn’t laugh with their kids about, but whatever.  It’s awesome.  And a little exhausting.  When everyone leaves, I revel in the quiet, and then I start cleaning.  I find all sorts of strange things left behind, and this year, those things kind of organized themselves into a song.  You know the tune… Sing along!

On the first hour after Christmas, my family left for me… 10 extra pounds on my ass.

On the second hour after Christmas, my family left for me…one dish of dogfood… and 10 extra pounds on my ass.

On the third hour after Christmas, my family left for me… a toothbrush and some toothpaste… one dish of dogfood, and 10 extra pounds on my ass.

On the fourth hour after Christmas, my family left for me… empty bags of crumbs (like 3 or 4 of them)… a toothbrush and some toothpaste, one dish of dogfood, and 10 extra pounds on my ass.

On the fifth hour after Christmas, my family left for me… five Keurig cups!  (No, we don’t own a Keurig.)  Empty crummy bags, toothbrush and toothpaste, one dish of dogfood, and 10 extra pounds on my ass.

On the sixth hour after Christmas, my family left for me… ten little containers of leftovers each containing a tablespoon or less of food… five Keurig cups!  Empty crummy bags, toothbrush and toothpaste, one dish of dogfood, and 10 extra pounds on my ass.

On the seventh hour after Christmas, my family left for me… fake pancake syrup… ten mini-leftovers… Five Keurig cups!  Empty crummy bags, toothbrush and toothpaste, one dish of dogfood, and 10 extra pounds on my ass.

On the eighth hour after Christmas, my family left for me… four half-full juice boxes… fake pancake syrup, ten mini-leftovers… Five Keurig cups!  Empty crummy bags, toothbrush and toothpaste, one dish of dogfood, and 10 extra pounds on my ass.

On the ninth hour after Christmas, my family left for me… three Tupperwares of potato water*… four half-full juice boxes, fake pancake syrup, ten mini-leftovers… Five Keurig cups!  Empty crummy bags, toothbrush and toothpaste, one dish of dogfood, and 10 extra pounds on my ass.

(*Potato water, you ask?  The water left over from boiling potatoes.  Three large Tupperware containers full.  To be used to thicken soup.  Except my mom took the ham bone to make the soup at her house, so I’m not sure the potato water has any other use.)

On the tenth hour after Christmas, my family left for me… a jam jar full of something (milk, maybe?)… three potato waters, four half-full juice boxes, fake pancake syrup, ten mini-leftovers… Five Keurig cups!  Empty crummy bags, toothbrush and toothpaste, one dish of dogfood, and 10 extra pounds on my ass.

On the eleventh hour after Christmas, my family left for me… a few cell phone chargers… jam jar of milk maybe, three potato waters, four half-full juice boxes, fake pancake syrup, ten mini-leftovers… Five Keurig cups!  Empty crummy bags, toothbrush and toothpaste, one dish of dogfood, and 10 extra pounds on my ass.

On the twelfth hour after Christmas, my family left for me… lots of love and happiness… a few cell phone chargers, jam jar of milk maybe, three potato waters, four half-full juice boxes, fake pancake syrup, ten mini-leftovers… Five Keurig cups!  Empty crummy bags, toothbrush and toothpaste, one dish of dogfood… and 10 extra pounds on my ass!!