Thankful

It seems as if at least half of the women in my life have been participating in that heartfelt and beautiful facebook meme in which one only posts status updates about stuff for which one is thankful all November long. It’s lovely, and sincere, and… it makes me feel kinda guilty for continuing to use my status update space for talking about weird random crap my kids say (like “These wipes smell like butt” or “Mommy, I love boobs.”), weird random crap my kids do (like making up songs about my coin slot), pumpkin-flavored seasonal snacks and beverages, wine, dirty jokes about leaf blowers, and… did I already say wine? I did have two thankful updates this month, one in which I was thankful for not getting into an accident on an evening with three near-misses, and one in which I thanked the Chick-Fil-A play area for a half hour of feet-up time with a novel. But if I had limited myself to thankful posts, you all would have missed my most “liked” status update to date:

“As our family left the grocery store in a sea of noise, tears, snot, and stress hormones, every single person in the joint silently vowed never to have unprotected sex again.”

Aren’t you thankful you didn’t miss that little gem because I had committed to only writing about being thankful? Yeah, me too.

So here it is. My 30 days of thankful, all in one shot:

1 - I am thankful for my kids. Like, duh. They change everything, and they suck sometimes, but until I had them, I had never felt my heart explode with love. Love, sure. Lots and lots of love, oh yeah. But that full-to-bursting love feeling… it’s only for them. I am thankful for the unique people they are and the joy they bring to my life every day.

2 - I am thankful for a husband who doesn’t care whether I clean the house, who doesn’t fight with me over money, who is a loving daddy and a thoughtful and considerate partner. Oh, and a morning person. That rocks. And also he makes awesome cosmos and martinis.

3 - I am thankful for my health. Seriously. I am so effing grateful that all I have to deal with is some rash-prone skin.

4 - I am thankful for box wine. No longer do I have to make the decision whether or not to open a second bottle. No longer do I have to fight my husband for that last ½ glass of wine after we have both had 2. Rah-rah for the wine spigot.

5 - I am thankful for my siblings. They are fun and hilarious and serious and smart, and they will always get me like no one else ever could.

6 - I am thankful for my parents, for all that they sacrificed so that I could have dance classes and art classes and creative writing classes. For museums on the free day. For knowing that life was more than what I could see from where I was then. For still being there for me, even now that I am all old and stuff.

7 - I am thankful for love. For every single time and in every single way I have experienced it. For the times that it felt good and the times that it hurt and the ways that it changed me forever.

8 - I am thankful for dance. Dancing makes me feel alive. I am myself when I am in motion.

9 - I am thankful for my education. I may never use it again, but when those survey people call to ask me my opinions about politics or local issues, I get to tell them I have a PhD. Yeah, that’s right bitches, a PhD. It’s from Stanford too. Take that. I usually don’t say that last part, but I get to think it every time I feel like all I ever do is wipe butts and fetch snacks.

10 - I am thankful for my fellow twin mamas. Without you, I would feel guilty for not having used cloth diapers. Without you, I would feel guilty for having put my children on leashes at the aquarium. Without you, I would be surrounded by moms who had their kids one at a time, and those moms just don’t get it.

11 - I am thankful for my boobs. They really balance out my ass.

12 - I am thankful that my husband’s job is flexible enough that he gets to spend lots of time with the kids. I like the breaks, but mostly, I am glad he isn’t missing this time with them.

13 - I am thankful for awesome TV. Six Feet Under, Californication, Dexter, Firefly, everything Joss Whedon has ever touched, BSG, West Wing, SYTYCD, oh hell, and all of the singing shows too. Whatever. Shut up.

14 - I am thankful for my friends. My friends, you are the family I chose. We may not talk all the time anymore, but I would still walk on fire for you. Like, you know, if you really needed me to walk on fire. Perhaps more likely and maybe a bigger sacrifice, I would stay sober to drive your drunk ass home safely. Or at least I would call us a cab.

15 - I am thankful for lists. I love lists. I love to make lists. If I had said what I was thankful for every day, I wouldn’t have gotten to make this list. Lists, I love you.

16 - I am thankful for my in-laws. I kind of hit the in-law jackpot.

17 - I am thankful for facebook. It allows this closet introvert to pretend I am the extravert I always wanted to be.

18 - I am thankful for my teachers, past and present. For the ones who taught me the rules of writing and when it is OK to break them. For the ones who taught me to think. For the ones who forced me to learn to speak in public. For my dance teachers. For my first drum teacher, who changed my life forever and who really deserves her own entry on this list.

19 - I am thankful for health insurance and a steady paycheck.

20 - I am thankful for my stick vac. Oh stick vac, I have spoken of you before. No one will ever replace you in my heart.

21 - I am thankful for people who came before, who fought and struggled and protested for rights that I have the luxury of taking for granted. Kind of like how I fought and fought to shave my legs and then my little sister totally got to shave hers like a month later.

22 - I am thankful for my minivan, with its magically opening doors. I love you, minivan, crumbs and all.

23 - I am thankful for Mirena (my IUD). I have migraines with aura, so I can’t be on the pill, and I am allergic to spermicide, so that pretty much leaves condoms or iffy methods that tend to result in pesky babies. Thank you, Mirena, for allowing me to choose not to have another set of twins. Also, that whole thing about how you all but eliminated my period? Yeah, that rocks too.

24 - I am thankful for books, for my favorite authors and the worlds and characters they create, for the calm that comes from complete escapism behind someone else’s eyes.

25 - I am thankful for Leapfrog and Word World. Thank you, TV, for teaching my kids how to read and spell.

26 - I am thankful for my smartphone. For the luxury of checking e-mail and facebook and twitter from the toilet, for the ability to play scrabble with friends in the same room without having to get out a board and tiles, and also with friends I haven’t seen in a decade, for something to do while my kids climb around in the McDonalds play place, for multi-tasking during American Idol results shows.

27 - I am thankful for cotton knit and spandex and clothes that feel like pajamas.

28 - I am deeply, deeply thankful that my kids are healthy.

29 - I am thankful for electricity. I take you for granted a lot, and for that, I am sorry. When you go away, dude, it sucks so hard.

30 - I am thankful for this present moment. And this one. And this one. I am thankful for mindfulness and gratitude and breath.