Well, I did it. I rocked my bikini on a public beach. I wrangled kids and squatted on a blanket to find grapes in the cooler, and bent over to help my kids get their shoes on, and untangled kites, and did all of the normal beach things in a bikini in front of strangers. And it was completely fine. I was not the only bikini-clad larger woman there. There were a few others. No one seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary. Children didn’t point at me and loudly ask their mothers, “Why is that fat lady wearing a skinny lady bathing suit?” I was really the only person who seemed to think this was a very big deal.
Full-length photos are coming here, I promise. I have the photo shoot lined up for the 28th, weather permitting. My kids were in the photos from yesterday, so I’m not putting them up here. But I put some photos on facebook. A few people seemed to wonder why I was making such a big deal out of the bikini thing. Others said they wished they were bold enough to rock their bikinis. One woman asked where I found such a supportive top. (Fantasie and Freya make great big-hooter bikinis.) So yay! Maybe she will be shopping for a bikini to rock. If even one woman buys a bikini because of me, really, I will be so happy I don't even know how to convey it. I went out last night with a good friend, and she asked me why I have so much confidence. Where does it come from? Why do I get to put on a bikini and walk down the beach like I own the place?
I don’t have a clue.
I didn’t always have confidence. I used to struggle over what to wear, how to fit in, what people thought of me. I still do sometimes. I haven’t magically transformed into a completely different person. But the possible and imagined evaluations of others are losing their power for me, and it feels amazing. Maybe it’s just age. Maybe it’s my mom’s teachings finally kicking in a couple of decades later. Maybe it’s all of the therapy or the time spent meditating and soul-searching. Maybe it’s being a mother. I wish I knew. I wish I could bottle it and make a fortune. Or no, I wish I could bottle it and give it away.
Because I truly wish, with all my heart, that every woman could love her body.
If I figure out the secret, I’ll let you know. Til then, I’ll just keep sharing my journey in hopes that the secret is somewhere in here, between the lines.
I bought a bikini yesterday because of your post. Last time I wore one was 15 years ago on my honeymoon. We'll see if I actually have the guts to wear it in CA next month in front of the kids (and strangers)!
ReplyDelete"I wish I could bottle it and give it away." I love you.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this post, and ALOT of thought into why the hell shouldn't I be wearing a bikini......I am going bikini shopping and plan to actually wear it in public!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThank You!!!!!!!
Yay!! Happy bikini dance. :)
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